Comforting words versus words of comfort. 1 Corinthians 10.

'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone,' it means just what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less.'

'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things.'

'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master - that's all.'

Today I'm going to make a somewhat arbitrary distinction between two phrases, although the concepts behind the distinction are valid. Just call me Humpty Dumpty.

1 Corinthians 10:13 is an oft-quoted verse. usually intended to provide "words of comfort." Paul probably intended them that way. When I say "words of comfort" I choose for them to mean this: truths that apply to a difficult situation which are intended to bolster someone in that difficult situation. Typically these words include advice, even if the advice is only "remember that this is true." Here are a few sayings that are sometimes used as words of comfort:

• There are plenty of fish in the sea.
• Time heals all wounds.
• It hurts now, but it'll get better.
• "No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:13 NET)

Sometimes words of comfort -- aren't. At least not at the moment they are expressed. That is the distinction I want to draw by using the phrase, "comforting words." I am using that phrase to express this idea: comforting words are primarily sympathetic words given to someone in a difficult situation. These words are less likely to contain a truth to be absorbed, beyond the establishment or reminder of relationship and empathy. Comforting words may not even be verbal, but expressed in an arm around a shoulder, or two hands holding two hands. It's also true that we sometimes use comforting words awkwardly so that they, too, aren't comforting.

But given equal intelligence and empathy in their use, comforting words of sympathy and understanding (which are almost never, "I understand.") will almost always provide comfort, while words of comfort may be perfectly true, yet not provide the comfort intended.

I think this has something to do with the immediacy of the pain, and the intensity of the moment. When someone has just lost a job it's probably not be the best time to remind them that God doesn't allow trials beyond their ability to bear. While it is true, and it will be a help, perhaps, at some point, even a truth they will attest to when they're on the other side of the trial, the moment of initial pain calls for comforting words, the arm around the shoulder, an offered prayer, someone who will listen in love and respect. (Guys can do this too, even if it's nothing more elegant than, "Oh man, that's rough," followed by a listening attitude.) Later, as the initial intensity and immediacy of the situation wears off, Paul's words of comfort may be just that.

It is good to remember that God is faithful. It is good to know that no trial is unbearable. It is good to be encouraged to look for the way(s) that God is providing to endure the trial.

It's especially good to discover these words and truths before you actually need them.